I wanted to share the influence Sela has had on me.
As I was thinking about what I wanted to write, I remembered a closing scene to a tv show. The main character was summarizing events that happened that day. "Even when we don't always get what we want...we seem to always get what we need...which would have been what we wanted..had we known how good it would be...it's a good thing we aren't in charge..we would miss out on a lot of blessings."
I have to say Sela has been a blessing for me. I started this site as a gift to her. It reflects the admiration I have for her work. I wanted her to be so impressed with it that she would accept my gift. To me.. at the time...accepting it would be putting the word official on it... her stamp on it would be the mark of a job well done.
Sela always told me how much she appreciated it but for whatever reason...I felt real acceptance wouldn't come until that word "official" was plastered everywhere on the site. Well that is what I wanted...until now...
What I got...is a person that I have admired for years takes time for me....she helped me understand that using that "O" word would take away my control and creative freedoms with the site...she appreciates my work and has been supportive of my other interests... animals .....not too long ago I expressed concern about meeting her...here I am an average chubby girl...confronted with meeting a woman who has it all..looks..talent..etc...Sela took the time to let me know I don't have to try to live up to something that isn't real...that "Hollywood" isn't real. Beauty can come from within,etc...I have to say it took awhile but her words really made a difference for me...without getting too personal...I want to say that I feel empowered. I feel differently about boyfriends...that I no longer feel bad about not being "something more" for a guy. But rather I am a good person and deserve to be treated as such...if I go out with a guy it is because he likes me..just as I am. I no longer feel like I have to "settle" or be "settled" for...I won't accept anything less than true respect.
Simply saying I don't have to live up to unreal images made such a difference...why those words finally sunk in and made such a profound difference in my psyche isn't clear. I am sure part of it is that I have admired Sela for so long and to have her say I am okay means a great deal...all I know is I am grateful for the fact that I finally "get it". It would be a lie to say all the fear is gone but it no longer rules the way I live my life..
I may not have gotten exactly what I wanted...but I sure did get what I needed...and never expected...and I would have chosen this had I known it was possible...I am glad I am not in charge...because this sure is one blessing I wouldn't have wanted to miss out on....Thank you Sela.
*On April 2, 2003 I was given the title of Official Sela Ward Fan Club.